Thursday, June 26, 2008
To celebrate the one-year anniversary of the date when my life partner left me for a steroid bodybuilder (who subsequently dumped him…karmic retribution), I watched Basic Instinct. My version was recorded off the Bravo channel with my Tivo recorder, so it lacked Sharon Stone’s sewer-mouth obscenities and her well-timed beaver flash that made the unedited version so powerful, but nonetheless, the message was there: killing is so much better if it’s done with a certain glamour and style.
As I watched Sharon ice pick another unsuspecting victim along her endless highway of human roadkill, I sat back in my comfortable chair and wondered where have all the femme fatales gone? Ever since I was a child, I was always drawn to powerful females. Perhaps it was the outfits. Think Julie Newmar as Catwoman. Or Glen Close in Dangerous Liaisons, who albeit, killed indirectly. (Forget Fatal Attraction…no great outfits there.) Of course, when speaking of glamour, Audrey Hepburn comes to mind, but you would never imagine Audrey Hepburn popping out of a closet and stabbing someone in the heart with a butcher knife, no matter how many Givenchy outfits she was sporting.
Slaughter also has a certain allure if the femme fatale is rich, because she can either hire a powerful lawyer to get her off the hook or at the very least, hire a good carpet-cleaning service to remove an ocean of blood from a priceless Persian rug. What about poor women who murder, you say? Let’s face it, watching white-trash women kill unfaithful men comes up short in the style department. Plus, it’s too expected: you assume that if you’re watching a film that takes place in a broken-down trailer, you know for a fact that people are going to be murdered. Or, that those people are going to kill themselves, exactly because they live in a broken-down trailer.
No, murder, if you’re going to do it, should have a little class. Me, I’m not the murdering type. I have forgiven my ex and am moving on with my life. But I have had thoughts about updating my wardrobe lately…and making a trip to our local Ace hardware. I wonder if they sell ice picks?